I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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