my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
