The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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