So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
