My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
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