It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
