Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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