I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
