Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
