Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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