just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
