it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
