like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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