Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
