Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
