who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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