so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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