She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
