My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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