i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
