just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
