I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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