sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
