Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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