Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
