I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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