Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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