So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
