Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
