apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
