I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I need to wash the frat house off of me
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize