laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
