and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
