My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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