i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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