Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
