see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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