i just had sex bonerless
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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