And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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