There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
