I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
