So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
