Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
