her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
