Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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