I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize