I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
cat food counts as protein by the way
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
