so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize