this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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