i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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