I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize