take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
