I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
