Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Randomize
