hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
