She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
