when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
