you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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