Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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