I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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