Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
