If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
