Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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