Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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