Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize