i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
whose ass print is on the piano?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
