Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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