i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
